Kali McGougan

November is Family Violence Prevention Month the Medicine Hat Women’s Shelter Society is hosting several events to raise awareness in our community. Kali McGougan visits the Porch to discuss up coming events happening in Southeastern Alberta and how you can participate. If you or someone you know is experiencing Family Violence you can reach out to the shelter…

24/7 SUPPORT: Help Line 403-529-1091 | Text Line 587-850-5885 | Web Chat mhwss.ca

Transcript

0:00

We are a gender inclusive shelter. So even though in the name it says women's shelter, we will take anybody. So men, women, children, anybody who is experiencing, violence and abuse, our services are available to them. This is Bring Back to Porch podcast dedicated to neighborly conversations right here in Medicine Hat. Welcome back to the porch. My name is Lynnette Schneider, and I'm very excited to have our guest, Kelly McGougan here from the Medicine Hat Women's Shelter Society. We're downtown, and I've noticed around, downtown, there's a lot of purple ribbons hanging out. Maybe. Could you tell us what those are for? Yeah. So, purple is recognized kind of internationally as the color for domestic violence awareness or family violence awareness, as it's also called. So we do a memorial walk, each year, and that involves, putting up purple ribbons throughout downtown. We do this to bring awareness, to get people thinking about it during the month of November. This year, we were able to get, purple ribbons, not only downtown, but, the Redcliff Youth Center put up ribbons on Broadway in Redcliff. As well as we've also had some schools put up ribbons as well. So Crescent Heights, is putting up some ribbons. Roy Wilson, Hat high. And then the, Hockey Academy at the Big Marble also put up some purple ribbons for us. So. So that's getting a little extra awareness out there. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe before we get into some of the things we're going to talk about, let's talk about the women's shelter in general. Can you tell me, who you provide services for and how long you've been around? Yeah. Yeah. So we are, gender inclusive shelter. So even though in the name, it's a women's shelter. We will take anybody. So men, women, children, anybody who's experiencing, violence and abuse. Our services are available to them. In regards to area, we support not only the men in that area, but surrounding as well. So that goes pretty much to southeast Alberta. Or in Brooks, all throughout. People can can reach out to us for our services. So I think it's interesting that, it the shelter itself is, gender neutral. I think a lot of people think that the only people being hurt, is a spousal type, domestic relationship. But there are other types of family violence. And part of, this month, in November is to kind of recognize the fact that it's not just one, specific group that are that need help. Yeah. That's a really huge part of my job. Is kind of breaking those stereotypes. So, you'll notice we call it Family Violence Prevention Month rather than domestic violence. We've kind of leaned away from the term domestic violence or intimate partner violence, as you'll hear it as well. Just because family violence is all encompassing. It lets people know that it can happen to anybody. Yes, the statistics say it. You know, some people are more likely to experience it, but that doesn't mean that they're the only ones experiencing it. So we're really trying to get that messaging out that, anybody can experience family violence. So, I just want to check in and, and sort of say, as a person who's walking down the street or visiting or having coffee with my friend or neighbor, what would be some signs I should, recognize is there's a problem. There's a hard it's a big question. Right. So, with people experiencing family violence, a lot of times the signs are not super visible. You know, people are very good at hiding what's going on in their personal lives. But it's all about noticing kind of changes in patterns of behavior. So, like, a big one would be. Maybe you normally go out with this friend, you know, once a week and all of a sudden they're pulling back, oh, I can't make it. Or, you know, all these things and they're isolating themselves. That's a good sign that something might be going on. Because people who, like abusers tend to try to isolate their victims from their supports so they don't have anybody to reach out to. So I definitely see the biggest signs of that kind of isolation. So it's, part of abuse is also control. If you thought that a friend you wanted to approach the subject with them, I'm assuming you need to be kind of gentle about it. Does, Medicine Hat Women's Shelter Society sort of have like not a guidebook, but like some, help that you can reach out and say, hey, I think my friend needs help. What do I do? Yeah. Yeah. So that's actually, a would be a really good question for our outreach workers. So, we have kind of three divisions of our programs. We have the emergency shelter alongside shelter and then our outreach services. So outreach is for people who don't necessarily need to flee, and need somewhere to stay, but, they could be, you know, having some questions about, family violence. And so this is open to anybody you could call and say, can I talk to one of your outreach workers about, you know, how how to support a loved one who's going through, family violence? How do I help them? That's definitely what our outreach workers are there for. And to paint a picture. This could this could be to. This could be a girl in high school who has a new boyfriend who suddenly is being cut off from her friend group, and you're noticing something. This could be, elders who maybe have moved into a new development or something, and suddenly all their patterns are changing. It's not necessarily, spousal. Yes. It's not always that man beating wife kind of situation that, the stereotype is we are seeing a rise in elder abuse, and teen dating violence. So we're doing a lot of awareness, for elder abuse, during Family Violence Prevention Month. But then there's also Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month in February. So I try to get into as many of the schools as I can. And just talk to the kids about, you know, what the signs are, what a healthy relationship looks like. Because if we can get to them early enough and teach them what a what a real unhealthy relationship looks like, then they know when they get older not to accept that kind of behavior. Right? So so what would be some signs of a healthy relationship? I mean, it varies. Everybody's relationship looks a little bit different, but I think a big one, is equality. You know, that that balance because when you fall into that kind of, more abusive or toxic relationships, it's a power imbalance. Right? So keeping that that balance is definitely a good sign of a healthier relationship. But yeah, I would say it varies. But yeah, that's a good big one for me. So, as part of the awareness campaign that you guys are doing, I know there's some specific events that have already happened, which is a shame that I didn't have you on earlier, but, I just want to talk about a couple. One that I found really interesting was, International Men's Day celebrating men and boys. That's going on at the college, I understand. Can you tell me a little bit about what's going on there? Yeah. So that's a partnership that we have with the students association at the college. And so November 19th, is International Men's Day. And so we try to get there every year. And whether it's, you know, just bringing awareness to like we kind of try to focus on men's mental health as well as, you know, experiencing the family violence. But again, there's a lot of stereotypes around men being able to talk about their feelings. And so, you know, even to just talk about mental health is a big step. As well as if they were experiencing, you know, some type of violence or abuse. So, we try to we partner with them to kind of encourage being open and, stepping away from that, you know, typical masculinity that men can talk about their feelings and, and they can't reach out in that. So we're trying to combat that stereotype. I find it really interesting that there's always a lot of focus in March when it's International Women's Day. I would really like to see that change for for men and boys. Yeah. You know, it is as an anti, I don't have children of my own, but as an anti with young nephews and I want them to model good behavior in their relationships, whether it's with teammates on sports teams or through their school schoolwork and school habits, and then later in their life with their, their, their relationships with with, people that they love and, modeling behavior that they see at home in some families is not the modeling behavior that they want to have in their adult life. And so this might be a place where if you want to know more, this is a place you could go and find out information. Is that right? Definitely. Yep. So, for young men and boys we talked about, but also, there's a lot of stuff going on for seniors. And I think that's something that people might not recognize as some of the work that you do. But again, seniors are in a very vulnerable position at times in their lives. And so I know you have something coming up at the Viner Center. Can you tell me about that? Yeah. So sadly, we are seeing an increase, in elder abuse situations, whether it's, you know, children or, grandparents, and grandchildren or parents and, children, that kind of thing. We are seeing a rise in elder abuse in, in kind of general. And so this senior safety series that they're putting on at the center, me and our outreach intake worker are going to, present and talk to, some of the people that are just about the signs of elder abuse, because, again, bringing that awareness, letting people know what that can look like, because a lot of times people may not realize that they're experiencing a form of abuse. You know, I hear a lot. Oh, well, they don't hit me then I'm it must not be abuse. There's many different forms of abuse. It doesn't always just have to be physical violence. So really trying to bring that awareness, and letting them know that we are there for them. But it's not only going to be you, like, just not the the women's shelter isn't the only. Yes, you're. Right, there's other partners involved. Yeah. So I believe, the Minnesota Police Services will also be there presenting. I believe it's the cyber crimes unit this year. And so that's another thing that we're seeing a rise in with scams. And, I like we were saying earlier, and targeting that vulnerable generation, the older generation who maybe didn't grow up with that technology. And so they're also going to be they're presenting just to bring some more awareness how to how to stay safe, you know. So I, I know too, that part of, the work that you do is, on bullying prevention. And you generally people think bullying is happening in school, but you can be bullied as a senior. You could be bullied as a in a workplace as well. Could you maybe speak about a year bullying prevention side of things? So I, I will say we do tend to focus more on the schooling side, when it comes to that. And so we do we're trying to do monthly lunch and learns, as we call them, with the high schools. And so we'll go in and talk about different topics, like boundaries or consent, healthy relationships. So trying to get these kids talking is the most important part. And it's, you know, it's surprising when you give them a voice, they don't stop. They, they love to talk. So, we go there over the lunch hour. We usually bring candy or something, you know, to entice them to come see us. But once we start those conversations, it surprises me, honestly, how much they open up and how much they're curious about, how they can prevent, you know, these things. So if somebody was watching this and let's say they were a parent and they they have a school age child and, they're, they want to talk about boundaries. Is there resources within our community that they, they should be looking at? Like, is there anything at the shelter that they could do? Is this again an outreach type? Yeah, I. See, a little bit more towards outreach or, usually there's a worker within the school that we are kind of in contact with. Their title kind of varies by which school they're at or which school division. So, but they're usually, resource type worker within each school. That would probably be my first point of contact. However, they can reach out to us if they feel like we need to maybe come in and do a bigger presentation, or a longer period of time, because the lunch hour is a quick, you know, take and go kind of situation. But we also have done like full class period presentations on healthy relationships in like comm classes or health classes. If, if the school feels like, you know, maybe, maybe these kids need a little bit more, more, more information. So Family Violence Prevention Month, is one month out of the year. The Women's Shelter Society works 12 months a year. We're coming up to. Not only is it a stressful time for families at Christmas time, but you do have a situation where if somebody is leaving and they're coming into the shelter, they're probably going to need things. I know you've got your Christmas hamper program starting up. Maybe. Let's start with that. Tell me about the Christmas hamper program and how can people be involved? Yeah. So the Christmas hamper program runs from actually starts today, till December 19th, I believe. And so, this program we used to call it Adopt a Family. Some people would think of like when you go to Walmart and you can take a name off of the tree and it's got a list of what, you know, their interests are, we've kind of shift it to a different, a different way, in that we give out a list of all these gift ideas, and we don't specify to each family. And so then when people donate the gifts, we set up almost like a depot, we call it. And so the parents get to go through and pick out the gifts for their children. And so it gives them that, that little sense of freedom versus, you know, just being handed something and say, here, here's your Christmas presents. And it also kind of limits, you know, if if one family gets sponsored by, you know, a regular working family and then, you know, a business comes along, those might. Look. Very different in what they can donate, right? So this just makes it a little bit more equal for everybody and ensures that everybody gets, you know, a Christmas present and they get a choice in that. So if somebody wants to support the Christmas hamper program, we have the list of gift ideas online. And then they can bring them to either Sun Valley Honda or Davis GMC to drop off. But we also accept monetary donations as well. You know, that goes a long way too. So there's multiple ways that people can support us through the Christmas hamper program. With these Christmas hampers, do the kids ever get to go around and find a present for their parent? So the parents, we we make up a gift for the parents, kind of depending on, when you're staying in shelter, you usually have, one support worker who's your support worker. And so, we'll make up the gifts for, for the adults, so they don't have to pick their own Christmas present, you know? Yeah. It's, always nice to get something that, you don't know what it is when you unwrap it. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So I know also, besides this, there's a list of needs that the shelter always needs. Yeah. What kinds of things are you looking for right now? So every month we put out a monthly needs list. And so that kind of changes based on, you know, how many children we may have in the shelter at a certain time or if we're running out of a certain, product. So when somebody stays in the shelter, we are providing all their basic needs. So that's clothing, hygiene, food. And so with that, you know, sometimes we may need shampoo and conditioner or during the summer when we've got the kiddos, some kids lunch items. So right now, I think what comes to mind? Deodorant. We're low on deodorant right now. So, every month we post it on our website, our Facebook and our Instagram. So that's a great way to give something that, you know, is helping versus, you know, monetary donations are awesome. We're never going to say no to a monetary donation. But some people like to feel that little bit more of impact when they donate. So that's a great way that they can give back to us. So why don't we talk about the website for a second? It's, you could tell us the website. And then when I produce this for the video, I'll put the lower third. But give us, the website, location. So the website is much easier. And you can find all of the information that you may need on there. You can also access our web chat through our website. And so if you maybe can't call us if you need help, you know, because somebody is around or, you know, don't feel safe to pick up the phone, you can access our web chat to our website. And the really cool thing is we have a quick exit button. So if for some reason you need to get out of there and don't want anybody to know that you were on the web chat, you just click the button, it takes you to the weather. So, and then all of, all of the information about all three of our programs is on there as well. And yeah, what we're looking for each month is all located on the website. And I should point out you can telephone, there is a phone number that's on the website. If you wanted to talk to a person. So we've got kind of three forms of communication. There's that 24 over seven helpline. We have the web chat and then we also have a text line, which is nice for the younger generation who, you know, likes to text maybe more than pick up the phone. So yeah. Well, I really hope that you have a very successful family violence prevention month, and I, I hope the people have learned something about your, your organization and the work that you guys are doing. And, I hope that, we don't need you at some point. They know. Yeah, they would. Be nice if. We could. I would love to work myself out of a job. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much, Kali. Thank you. Thank you for having me. This episode of The Porch is produced by Lynette Schneider with the aid of Bob Schneider. If you want to learn more, visit Bring Back the porch.com.