Tackling Loneliness: Mental Health and Community Connections

In a world seemingly more connected than ever, the feeling of loneliness is alarmingly pervasive. In this episode of Bring Back The Porch, Dr. Aganren, a psychiatrist newly settled in Medicine Hat from the UK, shared his insights on this pressing issue, emphasizing the profound impact loneliness has on mental and physical health. 

Understanding Loneliness: Dr. Aganren describes loneliness as a subjective feeling of disconnection from others. It’s fascinating to note that one can feel lonely even in a crowded room, while another might feel content when alone if they have strong connections. This paradox highlights the complexity of loneliness and its varied manifestations in our lives.

Transcript

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I think it's worth discussing loneliness as what it is. It's feeling right. It's that subjective feeling. It's been disconnected from people. It could be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. It could be by yourself. And not feel lonely. This episode of Bring Back the Porch, brought to you by Bernie Leahy. River Street Realty. Let's get you home. The information provided today should not be taken as medical advice. So I'm very excited to be able to welcome our guest today. Doctor, Aganren, he has been in Medicine Hat for about a year. He and his lovely family moved here from the UK. He works full time for Recovery Alberta and also has his own clinic, Claritas Health Care. He is a much needed psychiatrist so welcome very much. Thank you for having me either. Yes. So the first thing I would like, I think, is just for you to kind of talk a little bit about your experience. Moving to Canada, moving to Medicine Hat and just the work that you're doing. What do you think? How's it going? It's been lovely so far. So yeah, I moved in. I moved in December. Last year crazy I came, I came, it. Was cold. It was cold, it was snowy. It was a day or two to Christmas. I felt it was the right thing to do. I did enjoy I loved it of course. In, in, in England. What. I just wanted to do something more I wanted. I've never been one to stay in a place for. Okay. For too long, so I it was a lot of convincing, but for. The family. The family. They agreed. And then I met. You and Bernie. Yes. And I knew I made the right choice. I'm very welcoming. And the community has embraced you. Community has embraced me. That when I opened my clinic, the mayor was. Was there. Oh, really? Yes, yes. And it felt like I was part of. Part of the community. So. Yeah, I've, I've really enjoyed, relating with people. The work has been excellent. Right. Some days it's stressful. The overall it's it's just a pleasure to serve and help people as much as possible. Yeah. Yeah. That's lovely. Great. So today we're going to talk a little bit about the loneliness. Yeah. I was reading an article and it talked about loneliness being an epidemic. And so I kind of wondered what your thoughts were about that. That, Yeah. So, world, I think it's worth discussing loneliness as what it is. And it's it's a feeling. Right? It's that subjective feeling of being disconnected from from people. You could be in a room full of people and still feeling lonely. You could be by yourself and not feel lonely because you have connections and you have deep connections. So yes, loneliness is really difficult. It can. It's a really difficult place to be. Lonely. Regarding it being a an, an epidemic, I, I would say so because it's at the proportions at which. A lot of people are lonely. Right. Where in the world where we're supposed to be connected. There's social media. We have our phones and text people, but a lot of people still feel lonely. It's in my practice almost daily I see people who loneliness contributes and or worse in some of their mental contributed to or worse in some of their mental health difficulties. So yeah I would say it's, it's. It's reached. Its reach. That proportion because it's, it's a public health issue and. It's, it can lead to more difficulties. Yes I would say so. Yeah. So when we talk about that more, more difficulties and we look at mental health and we look at physical health, I think that loneliness really contributes negatively those to both of those factors. It does it does mentally. Like I said in my practice as a psychiatrist. So it's more, I would mostly see mental health patients. Trauma related symptoms can worsen with, you know, when you're lonely and you go by yourself, it's not it's not unheard of to just go back to those difficult experiences you've had. Depression can can worsen anxiety. A lot of people can become very anxious when they feel disconnected from people. And, you know, there's a lot of other mental health conditions that can be worsened physically as well. Physical health, the lonely that's going to make you stressed, and stress would release those stress over it. And so it can affect your sleep, affect your immune system, and affect your blood pressure. And things can just go wrong physically. From there. Yeah, absolutely. Like there's so many different areas that can be affected by that. That's true. Right. Yeah. Have you have you noticed any, you know, have you seen a lot of lonely people. Yeah. It's it's that disconnect, a disconnect with family. Disconnect with community. Sometimes work, you know, and I think that as so I think there's lots of again, different factors like, you know, people are struggling with, let's say, career jobs, people are getting laid off. You're embarrassed. What do you do? You stay at home. You I think the expectations of Christmas time. Oh, Lord, it's one Christmas. It's huge. Christmas. I've seen so many people just come in distressed and they just feel awful because this is a season for family. You see all the people with their families, you see people professing to have joy. Hohoho. But yes, most people, some people don't feel that way. They feel lonely to feel alone. This is a worst time to feel that way. So it's really it's really hard. It's hard for lots of people do it during Christmas. Christmas time. Yeah, yeah. I think expectations are so high. And when we don't achieve those expectations and then we look inward and say, well, what's wrong with us? Why aren't we able to do that? Or how I'm tired? Or why hasn't my family like that? And that self-criticism, again just leads to isolation. Yes it does. It does. It's Yeah, but there is something about it. We're talking about it. So that's I think that's a good, good step in the right direction. I think you're right. What do you think? Community in general, what do you think the community in general could do for for individuals? The communities group, I think people so there's, there's what the community as a group can do and what individuals in the community could, could do right. So for for the group, I'm talking about government and organizations. We could have more avenues for people to come together. So programs, parties maybe. Yeah. Places for people to, to, to gather and congregate and connect. If we could do more of that, there'll be, there will be nice spaces for children, spaces for adults, for adolescents, for the older people. Right. And also the it's not just the space is the connection. So if, for example, I saw patients who felt was lonely, it would be lovely to, to to go to see. Oh yeah, I know this program is happening or there is a place where people, young people or old people can go and, you know, talk to each other. So that connection is important. So having a place first and then connecting and connecting. Those resources together. Yeah. Another thing that could help. And that's more political. It's the transportation. Oh. To get. People. To get people. So if I had to drive. Right. I'm already anxious. Why would I, if there was a bus, if I just got out of my house and it was a bus that would take me to where I needed to be, and I was sure there was a bus. Take me back. Of course I would, I would do, I would do that. And then the finances as well if people had money. They would be if they had resources, let's say they'll be more able to go to these programs. So avenues where people could come together. Sometimes people want to go but they are not able to because firstly it's the weather might be bad. You don't want to drive in the snow, you can't afford it. So those are the things that as a community, we could do. Yeah, yeah, I think that I think it's interesting that. So your community may have some of those resources, but it seems like it's only those people in the know who know. So the groups that let's say you know, Recovery Alberta. So they may offer groups, but unless you're connected to them you. Yeah. You don't really know about them. Yeah. That word connected. Yeah. Right. You need to be connected. You need to be connected to know. Yes that is. True. And so when it's not in your wheelhouse. You don't. Know. You don't know. Yeah. So then it's. Yeah. It's hard to share information. It is, it is. We need more ways to share those information. You know like I know our public library does an amazing job. They have different kinds of groups. But again and I know for me and the people that I work with I talk about the library a lot. Oh yeah. You told us. I think we're very fortunate to have the lovely library that we do have. And I think it's such, you know, it's free. It is free. Free to people. And it's such a wonderful gathering place, but, like, well, you probably wouldn't believe how many people when I say, you know, do you go to our library? They're like, no, like, why would I do that? I did, that's the I would just say, as a personal aside, I've my children, I've found lots of positives. They love they love going to the public library. And, and our library really tries to connect people and tries to do things for all ages. Which I think is absolutely fabulous. But it's one place. I think. We need so much more. Just you know, do you think well, utilizing the library, as we shared as a, as a community. No, I don't think so. No. So we need to improve that as well. Yeah. Yeah. So again talking to you know talking about it, I know that, Ken was on the porch and he, he's, he's done a great job with our library. But, you know, I think, again, more people just need to know about it. I might just drive there or. Yes. I'm going there. When we're done, I have to drop my book off. Yes. Do you think that, you know, when we look at different factors that create loneliness, I kind of go back to were things like this before the pandemic, where people as lonely before. I think the pandemic workers. Yeah. As a society, I would say so. No one has before that. No one actually known what it meant to be disconnected. I think there was in UK we used to say face, space, place or something. So you made sure that you had space? Yeah. So even when you're in the room with someone, you're still there. Is that physical space? I think that that was that was traumatic for lots of people. Yeah, right. And then the the the pandemic got better, you know, those restrictions were lifted. I don't think people fully, fully came back. I think people practically prefer to be in their rooms, in their homes, but to work from home. Why would you go in if you could just do everything from home, do it from home. Yeah. And that connection that's going to the, the office or the hospital for me gave where you just talk to people, you know those non planned conversations, those hellos and hais. Yeah. Very important. Yeah. You felt connected to something now most people don't. And that doesn't help with loneliness. I think Covid was a big a big big part of it. Start. Yeah. Started it. I mean it was already there. You know the older people. Yeah. That couldn't go out. But everyone almost everyone knew what it felt to be disconnected during Covid. That most that was hard. And I think that it almost made people scared of other people. Yes. It you know and so then when we did come back, like, I'm a, I'm a hugger and I like when I like to greet people, I like to hug people. And then people are like, you don't like, don't do that. I think, oh, okay. Like, I'm still the same person and you're still the same person. But yeah, like a different. No different. Yeah, absolutely. Covid was a pandemic was. Yeah. It's once in a lifetime, I hope. I hope so too. Yeah. You're right. And then what about social media? You talk a lot about social media. Social media. It's on paper. You're texting or you duplicating. You're saying people you should feel more connected, right? Wrong. It's nuts. For some reason I think it's the like I said it's the subjective feeling of being disconnected. So that requires connection requires depth. It requires connection. It requires knowing someone talking to someone feeling like they could be there within your reach. So for social media yeah you could see lots of people but doesn't quite feel the same. Yeah. Right. There's a barrier. Are you texting someone or sending messages on Facebook. It's not the same as saying hello when the person is in the other room. Yes. Right. So I think I feel like it actually makes sense, make things worse because people feel like they're connected. Because it's just a I'm just a text away. Right? I'm just a phone call away. But no, it's people don't actually reach out as much as we would have if we're less connected. You see. You go on a bus, for example, or the train. Yeah. And everybody's on your phone. This is lots of people in one space that prior to social media, would have had to say something to each other, doctor, about the weather, talked about politics. I've talked about, you know, stuff. Yeah. But now because of social. We don't have to. We don't. You put your head down. Yeah. And if you say hello, then you look at that like. Are you crazy? Yeah. Yeah. Like, don't bother me. I'm part of. Me. Yeah. So the. I find that the phone is a great way to like a voice. Yes. Having to actually maybe have even eye contact with people. Because it's hard to to. It's connect. It's not. It's not easy. It takes effort. Yeah. And so if you don't have to do it. Yeah. It's easier. It's easier to just avoid it. You suffer for it in the end. But in that moment, it feels like the easier thing to do to not connect. Yeah. Yeah. So what do you think? Or how how can friends and family help? So they they see their loved one who is in the basement not coming out, doesn't have any friends, you know, what can we say to them? What can they what can friends and family? How can they help guide, educate? Yeah. You can you can talk to them. I think those so I think social isolation and loneliness needs to be kind of teased apart. Some people love being alone. Right. And it doesn't mean they're lonely. It doesn't mean the lonely. They enjoy it. Right. So that's one. It's important to know that. And some people will have lots of people in the room and still feel lonely. So it's a subjective feeling. And if someone is quite sad not being by themselves then you go to them, talk to them, just listen to them, encourage them to share those how they feel and actual practical ideas. How how can I help you? You know I know you feel disconnected. What can I do to make you know that I'm there? That's how you support. And then in of course, you should be connected. Then you could, you could suggest places for them to go. If you're away in the know, you know there is a program here for seniors. So there's a program here for youth you know to take them out. Practical. Just be. What's the word. Not diligent. Just make an effort. Okay. Right. Yeah. Make an effort to connect. Could be physical. Could be, you know, emotionally. Just be there. Sit in that uncomfortable silence with them sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think? How how do you think others can? Yeah, I think that that's absolutely. Because again, I think we avoid because we don't like the negative feeling. The heaviness of it. So I think it's, it's about having complete complete conversations with people. Sure. Open. Honest. Yeah. And hard. And hard. Yeah. Absolutely. What do you think about as two individuals so many individuals maybe come to you. What's, what's maybe some advice that you give to them. To to help them. I see the same thing. So it's the advice but direct to them. Connect to other people. Okay. Don't feel like they're worth it because most often then they say yeah that's that's how you feel. Yes. Most times people are willing and open to have conversations because we all humans we all want connection. Right. So I would tell anyone who comes to me talk to your friend. Talk to your family. Reach out. Tell them how you feel. And practically do the opposite of what you feel like doing when you're lonely. When you're lonely, you just want to curl up in a ball, in the ball and just sleep in. Close your eyes. But you know. Yeah. Do the opposite. Go outside. Go outside. Right. Go to someone. Take a walk. Go to a place. Go to the library where all the people go. That's. That's what I'll say. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Is there anything, any one other thing before we wrap up today that you would like to share. Yes. I want to say that it's been lonely. Should not be. You should not feel ashamed. Be lonely. We all have periods in our lives where we feel lonely. That shame can make you not reach out for help. It's not your fault. It's not. And it has absolute zero to do with you. It's the situation. It's the feeling. And if you can internalize that, you might be able to to take those practical steps to get out of loneliness. And don't you think that there are, In, in reaching out that there are both you know, friends like social people that you can talk to but also professionally, like I think in medicine hat that there are a lot of different agencies. So if you don't know of an agency, someone someone will know, someone will be able to help guide you to reach out to someone that is. That's a great point. Connecting with professionals. Yeah. It's also important. With, I think mostly focused on the individual community and rightly so. It's, professionals as well. Very helpful resource. Yeah. Yeah. So. Well, I want to thank you very much. Thank you for coming to the porch and sitting here with me today. Really enjoyed my time. Thank you very much. Take care. Have a lovely day. Thank you. Bye.